eyeball

my left eye, has been twitching for the last 3 days. .... hope it doesn’t fall out. that'd be bad....
well it’s just my eyelid that’s twitching not my actual eye...

bacon.../the great yawn

the terrible king

max


wallpaper sizes:
http://www.sendspace.com/folder/jp9f1i

answers to unquestions

when your simple pleasures no longer make you happy, what do you do?
find new things?
I can give myself the intellectual/hardcopy answer of = no purpose.
which does make sense.
without a purpose, everything goes ..... to nothing.
without some goal to look forward to, what is there to look to?
this is something that as far back as I can think to it, I've always felt.
somethings missing.
well maybe not that far back, I think sometime in highschool I really started to feel this.
I do feel happiness throughout my day, but its very fleeting. how do we hold on to those moments? and make them last?
my journals are filled with this question. and is there an answer?
- what is happiness?
- true contentment?
maybe I just have to force myself to like something.
i mean I really like music and to doodle. but ..... idk

ok, lets try to map this out.
I feel ....crapy.
why?
well im kinda sleepy and I have to work tomorrow.
that might be why
ok but I feel crapy alot.
hmmm..... how do you spend most of your time?
not very well. most is ... well its like this feeling of anxiety, or like I have to do something, example: like I have a meeting at 6pm and its 1pm right now so im just gonna wait around until 6. but its more Im working in feb, so im gonna do nothing until feb. maybe I need to get out more.
yeah you do spend alot of time to youself/indoors.
yeah thats true.
why not take a walk tomorrow?
hmm...  I work tomorrow.
ok... .... thursday?
yeah I should be free then.
ok a walk it is.
------ end of brain and marten ------

hmmm.... actually maybe that is why, but even during stf, or before that. I still felt this way, and I was walking allday.
maybe I just havn't found what im looking for yet, and I also dont really know what it is im looking for.
well....
(this may sound depressing to those that read, but its just the way my mind works. Im not depressed and actually have a very high sense of self esteem. I also didnt write this to get any sort of pity, for some reason this helps me think, writing my thoughts in a sorta public setting)

a good movie?

I miss the feeling i used to get from watching a good movie. a good movie imo is one that pokes at your feeling muscles and moves you in different ways. if its a comedy/laughter, tragedy/sadness, action/excitement, but recently movies, suck. I find myself most of the time just wanting for the movie to finish. It's really disappointing. I guess its just this generation raised on microwaves, overly busy parents, mtv and the disney channel. Take today's mainstream music for example, it also sucks. alot. Everyone is just trying to fit in to what society tells them is right, instead of trying to be themselves. we're losing our sense of soul and how to expresses it. I feel sorry for the current younger generation, and scared for the future ones. we're losing ourselves, our god given nature.

Take Warning by Operation Ivy

the worlds light

Man and his faithful ethics
Intoxicated by the fruits of the earth
Diabolical fanatikism, so cold and grim
The perfect perversion, bestiality incarnate
As instruments of torture
And leaving no room for sympathy
We bring forth the monstrous birth
To the worlds light
As all great art is made from suffering
So are we
Good in nature, but evil by our own free will
Incestuously created by the will to kill
Time is here to walk the final abyss march
Bound to the force of the last holocaust
Pour free the gifts of grace
And slaughter the entire human race
Not permitted to redemption
When pain rises high in purgatory
A reality so convincingly justified
Feeding from Death Cult's gown
We bring forth monstrous birth
To the worlds light
Blood Hunger Doctrince - Dimmu Borgir



today I watched "The Men Who Stare at Goats" and "28 Days Later..." I guess both ina sense touched upon, how as people we strive for good and to make the world a better place, but there's always those people who just seem to take pleasure in messing everything up. I guess thats kinda what I feel from this song, and I like how half way into the song there is a very uplifting/hopeful orchestral instrumental break, an all hope is not lost kinda message.

the pic dosnt really have anything to do with the song, I just didnt want to make two separate posts

bg's

during a youth group meeting we were trying to figure out the proper way to spell sunghwa/seonghwa.
not nowing how to spell it correctly, we thought we could come up with a new name for ours selves.
We shall now be know as: The Baby God's
"bust a cap in evils' ass"

..

found this in one of my sft notebooks. I dont really remeber when I drew this.

freaks are more fun

wha???

I saw this story on cnn, I really dont watch the news but my phone gets free CNN, so..

Apparently many people after watching Avatar (the movie with blue indians ) feel extremely depressed after watching the movie, even some contemplate suicide. The mains reasons that were stated in the article where:
1. such a beautiful world will never exist, and I'll never be as cool as those scientists.
2. If I kill myself the great mother tree will transfer my spirit to pandora, there I can join the Navi, (indian smurfs)  eat fruit and slap plants.

REally?
yes really
some people are so dumb its scary.
....
i didnt really post anything this week so I'll put a song in the same post.

Dream your broken dreams...


"Insane" - Scars on Broadway

So many ways to hide,
I see, trouble deep inside.
Let's go insane again
Bring back the pain again
Let's go insane again
Bring back the pain again

Run, run baby run
You'll see, things to over come
Let's go insane again
Bring back the pain again
Let's go insane again
Bring back the pain again

Dream, dream your broken dream
You'll see, things i've never seen
Let's go insane again
Bring back the pain again
Let's go insane again
Bring back the pain again

Let's go insane again
Bring back the pain again
Let's go insane again
Bring back the pain again

dude's

doodles from last week.