the accountant king pin

i had this really weird dream last night.

I almost felt as though I was going crazy.

cause, it wasnt a dream.

but it was just like a dream.

well lets see.

basically I slept zero hours last night.

but the whole time this dream/thought was playing through my head.

I thought maybe this is what real insomnia is like.

your brain running 1000 miles an hour, preventing you from sleeping.

so the story;

i go into a italian restaurant, looking to use the bathroom.

i find the bathroom but as i enter the room, a man is being shot up out side.

bang bang.

I encounter the shooter and he pays me off to "keep quiet"

some time after i am introduced to the don of the family, and am made the head accountant.

---- this is the beginning of a never ending dream/ really annoying stream of thoughts that dosnt let me sleep.

so I become the accountant, and Im really good at what I do.

all the numbers are in check and everything is running smoothly.

so smoothly that I start my own personal side job.

lending money with high interest, taking on personal accounts of other people, organizing small crimes.

like trying to sleep while taking a math test, number, number, number, number,

incoming cash, borrowed cash, expenses, more numbers.

I couldnt sleep.

so I thought i could try and thinking about quitting.

so I thought, quit,quit,quit, this isnt real, stop thinking about it. ( i even got up today hoping to see $$$$ in my bank account, but :( nope)

another time I tried killing off all of the connections and employers I had.

but I just got new ones.

the thoughts would stop when I opened my eyes.

i layed awake watching a blue led glow from my sleeping computer.

mocking me.

"im sleeping peacefully, and you're not"

dell why are you so evil.

i tried thinking about my girl.

which worked for a little, then she started becoming my work partner.

which in turn made it even harder to leave.

i got up, and my eyes felt super heavy.

it hurt to look around,

went to the bathroom.

pulled my blanket on the floor,

and went to sleep.

which still took sometime to fall asleep, but eventually it happened

yey, sleep.

at last.

have a nice day

monday. again

well its monday, back to monday.

hmm,

watched a movie about a guy who is in a break up, then becomes an insomniac.

interesting.

I can see how that is a likely outcome.

all your happiness is suddenly gone, the one thing in the world that you care about more than anything is gone.

yeah, it would be easy to not be able to sleep.

but it's funny.

today's society seems to be all about this.

the idea of staying with some one seems to be a fleet idea, that we only remember hearing about or seeing in old tv programs.

maybe that's why everything is so messed up.

cause we're messed up.

.....

hmm its been awhile since ive drawn anything,

I never try to do portraits, cause they're way above my level.

but i thought i'd give it shot.

not the best, but it's something i guess.

well

have a nice day

wha??

i feel. hmm

kinda lost.

im tired but dont want to sleep.

what's the point?

wake up and do the same thing I did today? and the day before.

... trying to decide whether to sleep or watch Dexter.

well I guess i'll figure something out, im also kinda hungry.

so mabye tv and a late night snack would be good.

...

sorry sleep, I'll see you in another hour or so.

:)
have a nice day

miss ya

i've never understood the concept of missing someone.

people would say "oh, I miss _____ so much" or they would ask do you miss your siblings?

i would usually say yes, to make it seem like i did.

I figured if I say no, that wouldn't be so nice.

but I never felt that feeling.

but now I do, and it hurts.

I was heading out of the house today, and was looking for some socks to put on.

not any socks but the socks she gave me.

but i couldnt find them, I went into a panic.

no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! where are my socks!!!!!!!!!!

I felt like my whole world was ending.

I couldn't think straight, I felt panic, fear, sorrow, frustration.

...(some time passed)

then I found them.

it's weird.

this feeling.

the closer you get the hard it is to part.

at least that's what it seems like.

anyway,

I miss you alot.

have a nice day.