there is a feeling of longing and unexplained emptiness that seems to follow.
i don't know it is a desire to be able to express myself as deeply as I have been effected.
or if it simply the feeling of being in awe of someones ability to express something so accurately.
----------
i think i've been kinda down these past few months. possibly longer im not sure.
i know that I have this desire to be seen as a hero or someone people can rely on.
i enjoy the feeling and I crave that feeling. to be needed, to be useful. but when being alone it is difficult to get that kick.
i feel directionless without that. I don't desire to fix people or steer their lives around. I just want to support and be there. I love the feeling of helping and seeing that persons life slightly brighter for it. even if that brightness is only a momentary brightness. it's a good feeling.
------------
i know that i'm selfish, arrogant and a bit narcissistic. those are qualities that I see and have come to terms within myself. sometimes I like the feeling that people think i'm doing good deeds cause i'm a "good guy", but the truth is I like the feeling. it's my personal addiction in a way. would I help people without that feeling, maybe. well yeah, I think i would sometimes. but I think my "scope" of helpfulness would be much smaller. smaller than it already is at least.
--------------
