......
Just now I came back from a 2 day church leaders meeting. And for some reason just being around 1sties for long durations of time makes me get really angry. but anyway, so I was really mad leaving the church, and on the way home I was thinking of all the things that really bother me about church. ( for anyone how dosnt know, I'm a Unificationist, not to be confused with Unitarians, completely different) I mean really I love true father/ the true family, our ideals, the youth, but everything else seems like a big bowl of suck. .....man im getting angry again. so i'll stop.
well, nvm.
sometimes I feel the only thing I can do is wait for the 1sties to die out and try to build things up the way that we say we will (the principles we talk about). sometimes its just so painful to be at church, do I feel miserable going to church? yes. why do I go then? I hope in anyway possible to help the younger generation, growing up in this retarded world, barraged with ideals they dont see realized, burdened with the shit from before us.....it's like having something so precious and valuable, being waved around like garbage. .....like when jesus was on the cross, be mocked and abused. wtf?
man....
alright, i lost my roll, maybe for the better.
on lighter news here are somethings i drew during this meeting.
well i only drew two things.
have a nice day.
o yeah, for some reason my thumb and pointer fingertips are numb, its an odd feeling.
wow i feel the same in many ways....
ReplyDeletetoday was actually the first time that i didn't go to church... so at least you're better than me. you're still handling it.
what kept me going to the church every time is the ideal of our church, and then it's always like a battle between striving for the ideal and the hopelessness/miserableness of the reality.
but then it makes sense. we have to go through this battle to "help the younger generation, growing up in this retarded world, barraged with ideals they dont see realized, burdened with the shit from before us.....it's like having something so precious and valuable, being waved around like garbage. .....like when jesus was on the cross, be mocked and abused."
exactly.. well said!
well... i'm the one who runs the video for service so part of me is obligated to be at church. (plus my parents would never allow me not to go to church) But another part of me goes cause I really love (even though I dont really show it) my younger and older bro's/sis's.
ReplyDeletebut yeah....
sometimes I feel its good to get away. it let's one breath.
in houston i remember the 1st gen would argue for so long. nothing ever gets done.
ReplyDeletemy mom stopped coming to church for a long time because of a lot of things.
and one time she was talking to me and she started crying because she was so sorry about the 1st gen not taking care of the 2nd gen. like leaving us to teach ourselves in sunday school when we dont even know what we're teaching and giving lectures about stuff we don't appreciate even if we do understand. thats how it was for me anyway.
i always compare it to the kind of people who ended up following jesus. he should have had better.
but anyway i think alot of the 1st gen are sorry. that's why i try not to be mad.
and it's not like i can say i've done half of what they have.
yeah I think they feel sorry, but nothing seems to change, which is where most of my frustration/anger comes from. Like i could apologize to you for hurting you, but if just kept on doing it without changing then... the apology is empty.
ReplyDelete- maybe you just have a bigger heart then me.
it's funny reading this lol since i asked you some relevant question at Denver. lol
ReplyDelete