someday

I realized that i have alot of emotions bottled up inside.

not just like anger, sadness, frustration, but happiness as well.

I thought of it like a old rickety dam or a bottle of spirit being shaken up.

when seal breaks, i dont know what to do.

the emotions erupt and spray all over the place.

unable to control.

I feel slightly lost.

like a stray dog trying to find his way home.

but this seems to only last a moment.

but in that moment its kinda nice.

sometimes when I think I have understanding of myself something new seems to pop in and surprise me.

which I think is a good thing.

I remember a quote.

Something like "its a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself."

maybe its not that drastic but its kinda nice.

well i thought i would add another quote from the same movie.

i like it alot it might be in my top 3 movies.

American Beauty.

"I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time... For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars... And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined our street... Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper... And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird... And Janie... And Janie... And... Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday. "

have a nice day.