monday monday

during my lunch break a car pulled up next to mine.

then another car next to the first one. 

woman gets out of first car and goes into the second. 

man greats woman.

(possibly shake hands)

proceed to make out.

proceed to intercourse.

I was kinda curious but mostly confused. 

I had my window down.

I was in plain sight, so I am pretty sure they could see me. 

Maybe they just didn't care?

After I ate my lunch and finished fixing the audio port on my car. 

I stepped out of the car to put my lunch into the trunk of my car.

I glance over to see if any change had taken place. (I thought maybe they would pause or something.)
nope still going at it.

hmm..

besides that, lunch was pretty good.
garlic chicken + eggs + onions and rice.

I've been thinking alot about people recently.
what makes us different?
why do we respond and act the way we do?
how was someone else raised, and how did that effect the person they are today?

I saw a movie recently about a woman who sees herself as evil, a "bad human being", a monster.

it made me think alot about this one point "monster"
what makes us hate each other and ourselves.
currently there are people all around the world, killing each other for various reasons.
and I assume they feel all the reasons they have seem justified to those people.

i was thinking
"what if someone I see everyday or just briefly interact with, is going through immense pain and suffering."
would I know?
could I help?
would I help?

last week I was staying a little later than usual at work.
one of my co-workers received a phone call, and she immediately started crying.
I don't know what it was about. but it looked painful.
after the call her eyes were really red.
I asked if everything was okay.
she just said "yeah"
and that was it.

I really hate seeing women sad.
for some reason it always stirs my emotions.
I feel as a member of the male race it is my duty to protect and care for women,  maybe that's why.
I don't know where this feeling comes from.
I never really saw my dad doing things like that.
maybe tv, movies, comics?
maybe I want to be a "hero"?

I remember a friend I had in highschool.
she would come in to Algebra almost everyday crying.
it almost always had something to do with a boyfriend leaving and or hurting her in some way.
I remember feeling "I wish I could find and kill these people" "what right do they think they have to hurt her?"
but those were just thoughts.
I usually just sat in silence as she cried in front of me.
sometimes she would talk about them.
they were always asking/begging her for sex.
saying things like "I love you, let's have sex" "if we have sex, I'll love you"
she would say that eventually she would give in, and almost always her boyfriends would break up with her immediately after.
so it  was on to finding another boyfriend, who would end up doing the same thing.

I think that was one of the reasons I hated school (and hate society) so much.
this self centered mindset of just using people, treating people like trash. it makes me sick.

hmmm...
it's getting late.
laundry should be done soon...



it's an interesting dilemma.
on one hand I feel for and care about people deeply.
but on the other I do not wish to interact with most people.



Easy, easy
Pull out your heart
To make the being alone
Easy, easy
Pull out your heart
To make the being alone
Easy, easy

Easy, easy
You break the bridle to make,
Losing control
Easy, easy
Crushed what you're holding,
So you can say letting go is,
Easy, easy

Oh, easy, easy
Burn all your things
To make the fight to forget
Easy, oh, easy
Burn all your things
To make the fight to forget
Easy

Easy, easy
Pull out your heart
To make the being alone
Easy, easy
Pull out your heart
To make the being alone
Easy



have a nice day