monday thoughts

I've been reading alot of r/depression and r/offmychest recently.
In alot of ways the things I read there remind me alot of myself when I was younger.
I always had a feel I was depressed growing up, but I think I just thought it was normal to feel indifferent and uninterested in life.
I never considered self harm or suicide, but life seemed to be more effort to sustain than to not.
I know I felt extremely lonely almost everywhere I was. At home I felt abandoned by my parents who were always busy. I felt out of place among my siblings. The "friends" I had where simply there to avoid the school social stigma of loneliness.
I did care about people. I didn't want people to be hurt. But I didn't care to be with them.
I  remember not wanting to go to sleep at night because that would simply cause a "restart" of another pointless day.
I think I was pretty sure the world would be destroyed before I was old enough to have to take part of it as an adult.

(I'm kinda losing where I was going with this. It's been a couple minutes since I started writing, and I think the feelings I had are now starting to pass.)

Anyway. I guess in summary or something. Life sometimes sucks. Or it just doesn't seem to have a point. And I guess there are other people that also feel this way.

I guess thinking about my younger-self and the people I have been reading about makes me feel sad. I wish people didn't have to suffer, both in hardships and in terms of nothing making sense. But I guess it's a part of life or something. Anyway, the feeling has now passed, and I no longer have the desire to write about this.

If this happens to be read by someone having a not so great day I hope that you can find something even if it is just a small something to hold on to.

Here is a video featuring harry potter and the guy that got killed in a bowling alley for not wanting to share his milkshake (I think... that scene still confuses me). Anyway I found this pretty entertaining:


Swiss army man: