Ghost of Paul Revere

Have a listen:

the happiest song in the universe.

just found the happiest song in the universe.
watch, listen, and try not to smile.
try.

My brain is a conman.

My brain is a conman.
And I the hit.
An illusionist of words.
Can't keep up.
Running marathons in sand and mud.
Too late?
Too Soon?
Somewhere in the middle,
Close enough.
No constant flow, more bumps than most.
A word in passing slips through the cracks.
Never to be seen, or heard, or felt.
Lost forever.



--
Stone and steel.
Still and still still.
New paint occasionally,
no food or drugs.
Watching, watching, watching.
Still and still still.

Maybe one day they will take me down.
It could be nice.
Change of scenery.
A nice cozy box.
Or the grand museum.

But for now I am happy.
Content with this life.
For here I am.
And here I shall stay.
And here the birds do not shit.
Life is good.

--


poems/randoms by Marten

"Oh dream up a hot day, oh dream and be full"

"Everyone is struggling to attain happiness and avoid misfortune. From the commonplace affairs of individuals to the great events that shape the course of history, each is at root an expression of the human aspiration for ever greater happiness. How, then, does happiness arise?"

or even simpler:
"Everyone is struggling to attain happiness."

Why?
This is something that had been in my head for a while.
From this I have come to the following questions/conclusions:
1.Why is happiness a struggle?
2. We as human beings are all standing in the same unfortunate circumstance.

1.
Life is an up hill battle because the world we live in in completely backwards of our natural state of being. If things were in their natural order, would we be happy all the time. No I don't think so. But I think happiness would be much easier to attain.

It would be like hiking on a hilly path, instead of trying to climb mount Everest.

2.
If this desire is something common of all people. What happened?
Our instincts tell us to be happy, and seek joy. But our world seems to only be dragging us down.
Something is very wrong with this situation.
As humans we have a natural instinct for survival. So lets say you are standing on a sinking ship.
a. If we had no instinct for survival, we wouldn't mind just going down and drowning. It wouldn't mean anything. It would be like sitting through tv commercials, just watching something pass us by.
b. But we are made with a built in instinct that says "You're about to DIE! DO SOMETHING!" So we get up, swim away, even possibly drown other people for the sake of our own self preservation.

Similar to the instinct to survive we also have instincts for joy and love. Yet we live in a would where, if you try to pursue that, it seems like the world is against you.


anyway, just some thoughts.


Come let's be gentle, be soft in my arms
There's moonstorms been brewing and braying in the barns
Your mother is sleeping, I'll play my guitar
The twilight is keeping us close to the stars

Here's where the stories live, here with the peace
Oh the kindly ol' night wrapped warm in her fleece
Oh dream up a hot day, oh dream and be full
Of Orion, his bow, the plough and the bull

Oh, my darling
Oh, my darling
Oh, my darling
Oh, my darling

Oh, my darling
Oh, my darling
Oh, my darling
Oh, my darling

Go trust in their strength for these are your friends
And pledge in them now for their luck knows no end
The bull looks a meanie but he's on your side
And he pulls the plough which comes and divides

Put space in the heavens, Einstein's idea
And he's your friend too, so nothing to fear
Orion'll help there, his darts find the dark
And all you need do is watch for his mark

Oh, my darling
Oh, my darling
Oh, my darling
Oh, my darling

Oh, my darling
Oh, my darling
Oh, my darling
Oh, my darling

The suns and the moons and the galaxies far
Were cast from his bow before they were stars
Oh and the gap in-between them is nothing to us
Our eyes cut the distance as loving eyes must
From me unto you, son, from dust unto dust

Oh, my darling
Oh, my darling
Oh, my darling
Oh, my darling

Oh, my darling
Oh, my darling
Oh, my darling
Oh, my darling

"you kick my dog"

I ran over a dog yesterday.
That was weird.
The owner had the dog off it's leash and both of them were running across the street.
As a passed them the dog bolted backwards and I could feel a bump and heard a yelp.

The dog ran off, the owner ran after the dog, I sat in my car like "wtf just happened?"
"Do I sit here and wait for them to come back?"
"Should I attempt to follow them to make sure the dog is okay?"
"Should I leave a note on the ground?"

in the end I drove off.
Sorry little doggie.
Hope you are not dead.
Maybe you should get a better owner though.
just saying.

"i used to be an only son" - Shakey Graves

-Writing on phone so typos and stuff -

Sometimes I feel like I'm in a dream and will one day wake up in a hospital bed or something.
And everything i had known, never existed.
And I would spend the rest of my life knowing happiness and having that all stripped away.

I was dreaming about something similar last night.

In the dream there would be times in my life where I would slip out of my "coma" and get a glimpse of "reality". It would just be flashes of images. I would be eating dinner, drop a spoon, go to reach for it, and an image of a dark room and tubes coming out of my arms. But then flash, and everything would be back to normal.
In the dream this continues till one vision where I see a needle approach my nose, i look around, "doctor his eyes", "it's just reflexes", then a hammer hits the needle. Clink* and I'm stuck in this new room forever. Unable to move or talk, just rotting away with my thoughts of my previous life.
---

Maybe it's a subconscious fear, that one day I will lose the things i love most and be in a situation where I live with that loss
---
The friend I had mentioned in the previous post ended up passing away.
At his memorial service, I didn't feel sad for him, in one sense I was happy he could finally be at peace. But it was his family and especially his finance that I felt sad for. I saw her as I entered the hall, i could physically feel her pain, I started to feel a little sick and the ground felt unstable like a small earthquake just hit. I wanted to say something, but there is really nothing I could have said. When all your hopes and happiness are taken away words don't really do so much. I think if were in her shoes I would go insane with grief. Dying isn't the hard part, it's living with death that seems most difficult.