"merry spritzmass"

Sometimes I find myself wanting to do more.
I want to pursue music or drawing, but whenever I get the time to do so I find myself not doing those things.
Instead it's easier to watch a movie or play videogames.
I think part of it is the emotional and physical investment into creating something. Even though I enjoy it, it does take energy to do.
Or I'm I just getting lazier?
.....
I've also noticed that my emotional/social capacity is much lower than it used to be.
I find myself not having the desire to interact.
Can I remember feeling the "want" or at least a general positive outlook on being around people, but recently I don't know. If given a choice between being alone or being around others, as of now I would choose alone.
Not sure why.
I know that I've always enjoyed solitude, but this feels different.
Maybe I'm just getting lazier. Emotionally.
But it kinda feels like I just didn't really care anymore. Is that indifference?
Maybe.
But at the same time I do care immensely about those closest to me.
🤷‍♂️
......
On a lighter note.
I recently read the script for Blade Runner. The 1980something film. So much better than the film. That being said I've only made it through the film once, but I've attempted to watch it many times.
The script feels very much like a scfi-noir, but the film seems almost afraid to go into the noir deep end. Which I can understand from a financial standpoint. Noir's aren't blockbusters. Most people don't like that style.
But for BR, I think it fit perfectly. The whole story is about questioning what it means to be human. It's life given or do we choose life?
To me the script is a self reflection and a quiet meditation into the human condition. While the film comes off as loud. (I had other words in mind, but my brain is currently failing me). At least that's what I remember from the film.
.....
Well I think my sleep is catching up with me and my thought transfer is deteriorating. So I will stop here and end this post for now.

Blooop. Beep.

Guess who's back

Wife says I should post more often.
Will try.
...
To commemorate this occasion I shall start with one of my favorite album openers.
" Eminem's gotta cuss in his raps to sell records. Well me too, so fuck Will Smith "
...
It's all about that money. Dolla bill y'all.
...
In tonight's news.
I changed departments at work, got a promotion.
Cleaned the pool. It's ready for the summer.
Thought about buying some beefeater. But misread the name as "defeater", then "befeater", until looking back at the name and seeing "beefeater "
All in a day's work.
...
I had this dream last night about a parasite that enters a humans body and slowly eats away all the organs. The parasite then replaces the eaten organ with it self. Allowing the body to live, and the parasite to live off the body
In this dream the victim is afraid and tries everything to rid himself of the parasite but is unable to. He eventually dies a painful death, but is brought back to life by the parasite.
After this the man slowly changes his views about the parasite. He begins to feel companionship and eventually trusts and befriends the parasite.
...
I don't know if I've complained about Eggs Benedict on here before.
So if not.
They suck. Never order Eggs Benedict.
You should only order EB, if:
You enjoy disappointment.
You hate breakfast foods.
You want to feel superior to your fellow diners.
You have been tricked by it's fancy sounding name. Just like the real Benedict Arnold.
It's an egg that it's a traitor among eggs and breakfast foods everywhere.
You allow it's sweet sounding name to entice you to order it, let it into your mouth and it turns around and stabs you in the back, or in the tongue, or back of the tongue technically. Well maybe not technically.
...rant complete.
Good day sir.

8pm crisis

my brain just forgot how to spell minute.
I was trying to type "sorry this is last minute"; when I looked at the word and couldn't figure out if it was right or not.
I can't wrap my head around it.
minute. that just doesn't seemed to be spelled correctly.
I've been google ever combination of minute, but none of them look right.

 is minute (min-nut) and minute (my-nute) the same things. Like 1 minute and a minute sample?
I feel very confused.

anyway.
till next time

"So out from your slumber Into the wonder"

hello internet.
it's been awhile.

I had something exciting happen the other day and was going to post but forgot to, and now I can no longer remember what that post was going to be about.


First month of summer is already almost over :(
haven't had a chance to do any song writing / recording :(
tried boxer-briefs for the first time :) surprisingly comfortable.
found a new deodorant scent :) smells good

hmm...
guess that's all the exciting news for today.


Loving you it runs so deep.
Upon the surface here I sleep,
walking in dark and light,
walking all the day and night

Rivers fall the ocean's side.
Fall for you every time,
like a bee to the flowers buzz.
Does a flower question love?

On our best, the quest is primed, 
beating chest and open minds.
I stand here in your midst, 
see you through the smoke and mist.

Once again for you I fall
underneath the tree so tall,
upon the limbs a nesting dove.
Does a birdie question love?

In the backdrop of the night
I melt into the starry light.
The moon pushes and pulls the tides,
tempts the soul to stay alive.

Once again for you I fall 
Underneath a million stars.
How could you ever have enough?
Oh this must be.
Oh this must be.

So out from your slumber
Into the wonder
under the starlight
days, days. . .

ah-mea-ghing

amazing. nuff said.

My brain is a conman.

My brain is a conman.
And I the hit.
An illusionist of words.
Can't keep up.
Running marathons in sand and mud.
Too late?
Too Soon?
Somewhere in the middle,
Close enough.
No constant flow, more bumps than most.
A word in passing slips through the cracks.
Never to be seen, or heard, or felt.
Lost forever.



--
Stone and steel.
Still and still still.
New paint occasionally,
no food or drugs.
Watching, watching, watching.
Still and still still.

Maybe one day they will take me down.
It could be nice.
Change of scenery.
A nice cozy box.
Or the grand museum.

But for now I am happy.
Content with this life.
For here I am.
And here I shall stay.
And here the birds do not shit.
Life is good.

--


poems/randoms by Marten

strawberry coca-cola

I had this dream last night where I was at a restaurant and people were fighting over the last few cans of strawberry coca-cola.

hmm. maybe new semester anxiety.






you breathe, you learn, you lose
you take, you break, you choose
and as you learn and cry
you do your best and try

and as the days go by
it makes you wonder why
you try so hard, so hard
to mend what's bound to fall apart

[Chorus]
ooh maybe it's time
to let it go
ooh maybe it's time
for taking it slow

ooh maybe it's time, time, time
for anything at all
time time time to let it all fall
where it may
[/Chorus]

and as the world goes on
you try to walk and sing along
and hope some things will stay
and every tune that you play

[Chorus]

ooh...
ooh...

and as your life goes on
you deal with what comes along
some friends, they come and stay
some leave and go their way

ooh...
ooh...


have a nice day