Sometimes I find myself wanting to do more.
I want to pursue music or drawing, but whenever I get the time to do so I find myself not doing those things.
Instead it's easier to watch a movie or play videogames.
I think part of it is the emotional and physical investment into creating something. Even though I enjoy it, it does take energy to do.
Or I'm I just getting lazier?
.....
I've also noticed that my emotional/social capacity is much lower than it used to be.
I find myself not having the desire to interact.
Can I remember feeling the "want" or at least a general positive outlook on being around people, but recently I don't know. If given a choice between being alone or being around others, as of now I would choose alone.
Not sure why.
I know that I've always enjoyed solitude, but this feels different.
Maybe I'm just getting lazier. Emotionally.
But it kinda feels like I just didn't really care anymore. Is that indifference?
Maybe.
But at the same time I do care immensely about those closest to me.
🤷♂️
......
On a lighter note.
I recently read the script for Blade Runner. The 1980something film. So much better than the film. That being said I've only made it through the film once, but I've attempted to watch it many times.
The script feels very much like a scfi-noir, but the film seems almost afraid to go into the noir deep end. Which I can understand from a financial standpoint. Noir's aren't blockbusters. Most people don't like that style.
But for BR, I think it fit perfectly. The whole story is about questioning what it means to be human. It's life given or do we choose life?
To me the script is a self reflection and a quiet meditation into the human condition. While the film comes off as loud. (I had other words in mind, but my brain is currently failing me). At least that's what I remember from the film.
.....
Well I think my sleep is catching up with me and my thought transfer is deteriorating. So I will stop here and end this post for now.
Blooop. Beep.
