"merry spritzmass"

Sometimes I find myself wanting to do more.
I want to pursue music or drawing, but whenever I get the time to do so I find myself not doing those things.
Instead it's easier to watch a movie or play videogames.
I think part of it is the emotional and physical investment into creating something. Even though I enjoy it, it does take energy to do.
Or I'm I just getting lazier?
.....
I've also noticed that my emotional/social capacity is much lower than it used to be.
I find myself not having the desire to interact.
Can I remember feeling the "want" or at least a general positive outlook on being around people, but recently I don't know. If given a choice between being alone or being around others, as of now I would choose alone.
Not sure why.
I know that I've always enjoyed solitude, but this feels different.
Maybe I'm just getting lazier. Emotionally.
But it kinda feels like I just didn't really care anymore. Is that indifference?
Maybe.
But at the same time I do care immensely about those closest to me.
🤷‍♂️
......
On a lighter note.
I recently read the script for Blade Runner. The 1980something film. So much better than the film. That being said I've only made it through the film once, but I've attempted to watch it many times.
The script feels very much like a scfi-noir, but the film seems almost afraid to go into the noir deep end. Which I can understand from a financial standpoint. Noir's aren't blockbusters. Most people don't like that style.
But for BR, I think it fit perfectly. The whole story is about questioning what it means to be human. It's life given or do we choose life?
To me the script is a self reflection and a quiet meditation into the human condition. While the film comes off as loud. (I had other words in mind, but my brain is currently failing me). At least that's what I remember from the film.
.....
Well I think my sleep is catching up with me and my thought transfer is deteriorating. So I will stop here and end this post for now.

Blooop. Beep.

"And the thunder answered back "

I think I already made a post about this, but it happened again.

hello internet my name is Marten.
seems like an easy name. right?
wrong!?!!
it's the most difficult name in the universe.
well not really, but still pretty difficult to properly pronounce apparently.

The other day I met one of my neighbors for the first time. This is how the conversation went.
(Real neighbors name has been changed in this post to protect his identity)

(Neighbor)Hi Neighbor! My name is Scooter. I live a few doors down from you.
(Me) Hi. Marten.
(Scooter) Martian?
(Me) Mar-ten
(Scooter) Mitchem?
(Me) M-A-R-T-E-N
(Scooter) Ah, I see. Marchan. Nice to meet you.

I really think I should go by a different introduction name, so that introductions can move along much smoother.
I need a name.
Something with strong syllables. And less of what ever it is that makes saying the name Marten so confusing.

anyway. happy tuesday
.

Eskimeaux - The Thunder Answered Back



o, how my heart can fly when your smile has good intentions
and "hi" can mean the world to me
i know singing makes you shy when it's in front of me and my friends
but your singing means the world to me
how i tried to keep my cool when we disappointed you
you waxen wing, you foolish thing
and o, how i can still taste your tongue tied stare upon my face
you dirty look, you burning bush
so here i sit, come to rest some weight upon your little chest
you free-for-all, you wrecking ball
so here i stand, next to your bed, to lay waste to your healthy head
you spiderweb, you dance of death
you could even be so cold and leave me wondering where you've gone
you prickly frost, you courage lost
you could even be so mad you'd shake me by the shoulders screaming
you coward, you hummingbird

I screamed out how'd it get this bad?
And the thunder answered back
if you know not what you lack
then you must unturn your back
Your inside is overcast
you are tethered to your past
and it must feel like fucking hell
to be a patchwork of yourself,
a bunch of scraps thrown and sewn around your bones
and though you're alone it's holding you too tightly.
But Who are you? From where do you come?
What do you believe in? Whom do you love?

good night. and good dreams.

i hate school.
I really do.
That being said, I do love to learn new things. But I hate the school system of "learning"

I don't understand people who graduate school and say "I wish I was back in school"
why?
why would you wish that?
of all the things you could wish for.
why?
pony? no.
magic rainbow, pot of gold? no.
eagle powers? no.
world peace? no.
just school.

I don't understand.



I am currently taking my first summer class of my college life.
I was looking at my schedule that thought to my self,
"a quiz every day, and an exam every week.
seems a bit excessive."
then I realized that is because the class is only 3 weeks long.
somehow I missed that important detail.

well.
good night.
and good dreams.
wish for nicer things then going back to school.
if not for yourself, do it for me.



Fast Blood - Frightened Rabbit


good night
it's stroke-time
let's get paralysed down both sides
snake hips, red city kiss
and your black eyes roll back
midnight organ fight
yours gives into mine
it's all right

and the fast blood
hurricanes through me
and then it rips my roof away with her fire heads
this is the longest kiss
good night

and now I, I tremble,
because this fumble
has become biblical
I feel like I just died twice
was reborn again
for all our dirty sins

and the fast blood, fast blood, fast blood
hurricanes through me
and then it rips my roof away with her fire heads
this is the longest kiss
good night

good night
and then I fall down
I stumble
and she said, good night

cereal thoughts

Is cereal supposed to hurt the roof of your mouth after you eat it?
dry cereal I should explain, no milk.
I always feel like it is ripping the flesh from the ceiling of my mouth.

Maybe cereal is too hard.
Some one should do something about this.

Will vote for 1st candidate to abolish cereal that is too hard.



...
have a nice day