the big 27

In a few days I will be 27 years old.
I remember being little and thinking that people who were 20 were old.
Then 20 came for me and I felt. "Hmm I dont feel old."
I realize that yes I am getting older, but idk I don't really feel old.
Maybe I am supposed to be more serious. Not laugh at things, never do fun stuff.
That is what I seem to associate with being old. just not enjoying life anymore.
I don't want that.


hmm.

well christmas was fun.
well actually the 2 days after christmas were more fun than christmas itself.
My wife and I both got robes for christmas, and we just kinda slept in and watched netflix and went out to eat. Twas fun.



Everything is tragic, it all just falls apart
But when I look into your eyes, it pieces up my heart
If I only had an answer to put it all to bed
I wish sometimes I could take back every word I've said

I walk back in the night alone, got caught up in my song
Forgot where I was sleeping, none of the lights were on
I heard my mother thinking me right back into my birth
I laughed so loud inside myself, it all began to hurt

So I turned on a picture show, I disappeared the lines
As memories came flooding in, the tears blew up my eyes

I see an elevator, a moment I am above
I look for you or someone who can still remind me of
The tight grip and the sun lick
And the calm weight of all things summer
When it's all here and it's all new
And you're not hungover

Fierce and light and young
Fierce and light and young
When you don't know that you're wrong
Or just how wrong you are

My feet are always heavy as I head toward the door
I thought we'd leave this for ourselves a hundred times before
But I guess we're always leaving even when we look the same
And it eases me somehow to know that even this will change

If you've still got some light in you then go before it's gone
Burn your fire for no witness, it's the only way it's done

Fierce and light and young
Fierce and light and young
Hit the ground and run
Hit the ground and run






have a nice day

love ya

I don't usually post quotes, because it's always difficult to tell if the quote is authentic or not.

example: "Treat your pets right; with dignity and respect. Or they may one day kill you in your sleep." - William Wallace

but I saw this one today and it made me think:
"Happiness is to find a person whom you wish to give and give still more, serve and serve still more, love and love still more. " -smm (a wise guy)

"love you wifey. you're the best" - Marten
"you make me ha-ha-happy"- Simple Jack

"I'm here, I'm here, not heroic but I try"

Iam thinking about getting a twitter so that whenever I get a random thought I can quickly post it before I forget it.

but I might just do that here.
well maybe not. this is already kinda taking along time. hm....

...
--
//
anyway, it's finals week.
just one more project due, THEN I AM FREE, ....till January .....

//
was doing some fb,instagram,twitter,google stalking on some class mates.
feel like a spy.
without an agency.
so a broke spy.
who I guess is not really a spy after all, just some guy getting distracted.
I don't know why I enjoy seeing people from a distance, but not close up in person.
I find it extremely interesting to learn about someone from afar.
guess I am strange.
//
~~line retracted~~~
//
anyway again.
I was listening to this band recently and one of their songs has been in my head for the past few days.
I feel like this song talks about the struggle of every man.
"I have never wanted more, to be your man
And build a house around you
I am just like all the rest of them
Sorry, selfish, trying to improve

I'm here, I'm here, not heroic but I try

I'm here, I'm here, not heroic but I try"

Those lines hit real deep.
Damn.
Men be good to your women.
Try, try, try.






 I am that dickhead in the kitchen
Giving wine to your best girl's glass
I am the amateur pornographer
Unpleasant publisher by hand

Not here, not here, heroic acts of man
Not here, not here, heroic acts of man

I see the stumbling pinstriped trouser
Flecks of sick on an office shoe
Part of the fatty British average
Who lives in the houses around you

Not here, not here, heroic acts of man
Not here, not here, heroic acts of man

Let's all crowd 'round the cowering body
Throw stocky fingers, bricks and stones
Let's promise every girl we marry
We'll always love them when we probably won't

While the knight in shitty armour
Rips the drunk out of her dress
One man tears into another
Hides a coward's heart in a lion's chest

Man, he breeds although he shouldn't
He's breeding just because he comes
Acts the father for a minute
Till the worst instincts return

Not here, not here, heroic acts of man
Not here, not here, heroic acts of man

I have never wanted more, to be your man
And build a house around you
I am just like all the rest of them
Sorry, selfish, trying to improve

I'm here, I'm here, not heroic but I try
I'm here, I'm here, not heroic but I try

project

Final project for my digital music class.
enjoy.

point is

I think my lack of sleep is starting to effect my daily life.

my bones ache and I cant focus.
everything feels cloudy.
I find myself listening to 70-80s sounding ballady  pop music from the 2010s.
I forget to answer texts and email messages.
things are looking grim.




have a nice day

3:40

Awake when i dont want to be.
I don't know why I can't stay asleep
Hmm.
Well don't have much to say.

Hocus focus

In class again. I feel as though my brain has called surrender.
Cannot focus.
Need magic.
Magic focus spell.

There is a bag pack hanging on a tree near the class room window.
I wonder what's inside and who left it there.

Hair is untidy. My blank laptop screens tells my.
Thank-you computer.

My pants itch at my knees. Is that normal? Hmmm not sure.

Shopping list /to do list :
Buy oak fire wood
Call b&b for thanksgiving details and questions. Store availability, food options.
Php project
Sql project
Wt time sheets And quiz
Dm summit project
Prepare for Xmas party
Secret Santa stiff
Possible smaller side Xmas party
Select classes for next semester
Investigate utd classes, scholarships, applications process.

The person came back for the bag pack.

H/mmmm....

Will now stenographer to work
Auto correct messing up my sentences.
Will now try to get back to work.
There we go.

The following sentence withal not be altered from isms original firm, testing auto correct Wynn effusive. So for not bad. Increasing typing speed. Trying to route as day as i can and at how elm this world.

Cobs
Concussion
Conclusion :
Auto correct works pretty well with slow typing. Fast typing not recommended.

Have a nice day

"people making people making people making cities" - Dan Mangan

dream from last night:

setting: Harry Potter Universe, Voldermorts Cave with the poison basin water.
characters: Harry Potter, Albus Dumbledore.
scene:
Harry and Dumbledore are heading into the cave to find a destroy a Horcrux.
They venture through and reach the center of the cave to discover their task.
Dumbledore:"Remember Harry, whatever happens you cannot stop. Even if I beg you to stop, you must not stop!"
Harry: "I promise sir."
The proceed to the basin.
They find the task!!!
The entire cave fills with the tackiest/ugliest ties ever to be seen.
Horror fills Dumbledores eyes, "No!! Anything but that!!!!"
Dumbledore understands the task, he must wear each and every horrendous tie.
Dumbledore:"Harry please stop! no more"
Harry:"Sir, you must. Just one more tie! Don't worry sir! It will all be over soon!"
this continues until Dumbledore is wearing all of the ties in the cave, terrible ugly tacky ties.
Dumbledore leaves the cave with Harry, his head hanging low with shame.

end.


have a nice day

"it's a harder kind of fear"

When I was younger I thought of life as a long track the ending being death.

now I think my view of life in a bit different. 

It is not so much a straight line, but a circle.

A up and down hilly circle.

Everything in life repeats it's self but in different ways. 

Sometimes we are up sometimes down.

The key is to remember that the good never lasts but also the bad never lasts as well.

And trying to make the best of both times. 

It is too much work for anyone person to try and control or change the road ahead.

It's impossible. What is set is set.

Instead we take the bumpy road and try to enjoy the ride.

at least that's what I think. 

currently.

----

This band clams me down. I'll post two songs because their style varies greatly. 

have a nice day

Again. Mine eyes have no rest

This past Saturday i woke up at 5am and couldn't go back to sleep.
It's an interesting feeling.
Lack of sleep.
It's like seeing a movie that is happening in real time. It passes by and around you, it's possible to interact with it, but it's easier to not.

It also feels as though there is a large air bubble in the front of my forehead filled with air. I sometimes wonder if it will pop. So far no.

Have a nice day.

3:19

Can't sleep.
Don't know why.
I might go out side for a bit.
My body feels exhausted, my eyes are heavy, my legs and knees ache.
I want to sleep.
Maybe i will write stuff till i fall asleep.
Hmm seems to be working 
Drowsy 

Yes i think i will step out side for a bit

It's really nice out.
Quite, cool, breezy.
I should try sleeping out here sometime.
But i feel this is having the opposite effect i was looking for.

Hmmm i feel more awake now.
I think i will stop writing now.

Sleep tight.

Old but not that old

I think that's from a song or something.
Any way.
I started eating cereal/granola out of a glass mason jar.

I've been using the traditional zip lock bag for the past 23 years. The idea hit me while driving to work last week. 
"hmmm....  It is very difficult to eat cereal out of a zip lock bag. If only i had a jar or something. "
Thus the birth of cereal jar.

Maybe this will catch on.
I will be a trend setter. 
Maybe even get a sponsor.
The world is my toaster.

Having a nice day.

And I were a little bit of time to get the best of luck.

Class starts soon.
Trying to post from phone.
Auto correct giving hard time.

10mins to go

I wish watching people wasn't considered creepy.
I enjoy doing that very much.

Maybe i need to invest in a good pair of sunglass attachments. Very darkly tinted sunglass attachments.

I find it interesting to watch the way people do things. Or the choices they make. Or watching them do something and trying to figure out why they did it that way.

5mins to class.

Guess i better get going.

Have a nice day.

Time. Time. Time. Time.

Slowly the earth below me sinks and crumbles.
My inevitable decent.
Anxiety crushes my soul.
"it's only a matter of time ".
Time. Time. Time. Time.

-poem of a large man a cardboard box

:o

in school library
sit down.
person next to me starts coughing and wiping/blowing noes.
!flu like symptoms.
first thought, "well as long as they aren't black I should be okay"
turns to look.
....
guess I have ebola
guess I'm racist.

1970 year of linux

in class,
brain fried.
would like to sit on marshmallows and jello.
...
well maybe not. might get sticky.
teacher talking but cannot understand.
i have lost my connection with reality.
//just checked to see if I had spelled reality correctly.
//also sounds like realty (like the act of Realtoring) ( the act of being the person who assists in selling/buying houses.)
//but that word apparently does not exist.


hmm.
uh oh, time to start doing stuff.
see you later.

have a nice day

"turn off head lights, turn on hazards"

I think i am feeling the feelings of sleep deprivation.




cant focus.
very tired.
head wobbly
low appetite.
extreme spaceyness

Have a nice day.

don't listen to at night, and alone. but use headphones if you do.

Iam taking a digital music class this sememster.
This is my first project.
The rules were:
1. Download free samples/sound.
2. Alter sounds to make something different.

After completed the professor played all the projects in class.
After hearing mine his response was:
"........hmmm...... well..... Marten..... that was the scariest thing I've ever heard."

true story.

It's kinda creepy/disturbing.
just a warning.








I hope I did not ruin your day,

ps. my wife found the track to be funny, so maybe it's not actually scary.


have a nice day.

"pray for the people inside your head"

some songs stuck in my head.

Tickle me pink, I'm rosy as a flushed red apple skin
Except I've never been as sweet
I've rolled around the orchard and found myself too awkward
And tickle me green, I'm too naive

Pray for the people inside your head
For they won't be there when you're dead
Muffled out and pushed back down
Pushed back through the leafy ground

Time is too early, my hair isn't curly
I wish I was home and tucked away
When nothing goes right and the future's dark as night
What you need is a sunny, sunny day

Pray for the people inside your head
For they won't be there when you're dead
Muffled out and pushed back down
Pushed back through the leafy ground

Don't know where I can find myself a brand new pair of ears
Don't know where I can buy a heart
The one I've got is shoddy, I need a brand new body
And then I can have a brand new start

Pray for the people inside your head
For they won't be there when you're dead
Muffled out and pushed back down
Pushed back through the leafy ground

Monsters in the valley and shootings in the alley
And people fall flat at every turn
There is no straight and narrow, offload your wheelbarrow
And pick up your sticks and twigs to burn

Pray for the people inside your head
For they won't be there when you're dead
Muffled out and pushed back down
Pushed back through the leafy ground

Pray for the people inside your head
For they won't be there when you're dead
When you're dead, when you're dead
When you're dead, when you're dead
When you're dead, when you're dead
When you're dead, when you're dead, when you're

We would like to reside somewhere along a wide mountainside. 
Sleep the street and sound of marching feet away or hide. 

We’ll give up on this town, the people who fill the air with their sound. 
Hear the noise of girls and boys abound. Rejoice. 

I love you for your wit, not for the shit you spout in your dreams. 
Grace the ground and love you finally found in me or leave. 

The wind won’t wait to blow you down. 
And leaves can change only so slow 
So keep your legs on the concrete ground. 
The truth to find is in what we don’t know.



have a nice day

mirror mirror

I had a dream that I purchased a wide-rear-view mirror for my car.

.end.

have a nice day

boxes

brown boxes climb my walls.
lock me in.
mass produced, but never ending.
browns boxes lock me in.
I break and smash and throw you away,
like lemmings you die and again pile high.
brown boxes
brown boxes shall be the death of me.

life in a warehouse

late night pic

fear no chicken

Last night I had the following dream.

Time frame: Future, maybe 6-10yrs from now
Location: Dallas Texas
My Character:
Science teacher at elementary school.

Scene 1:
Cafeteria of school I teach at.
Kids are eating lunch, seems like a normal day.
It's loud and busy.
Chaotic, but normal for a school cafeteria.
I get my lunch and head towards a table when another teacher stops to talk to me.
Just normal small talk "How was your weekend?" "Any summer plans?"
We start to head towards the same table to sit, when I notice out of the corner of my eye a student who looks troubled.
I stop and try to figure out what is going on.
He seems to be swaying side to side at his table.
Food is in front of him, he looks dazed.
His skins is changing from pink to greenish blue.
Still swaying back and forth.
Eyes look dark and the eye lids are swollen.
I walk up to the child, "Are you okay?"
He moans and looks up at me.
He looks really sick.
I am shocked by his appearance and head to the nurses office.
I look around but cant find her.
I decide to go back to the cafeteria.

When I get back the room is mass hysteria.
Teachers are running around screaming for help.
Kids are laying on the floor vomiting, crying and shaking.

Scene ends.

Scene 2:
Office building. (looks important)
A meeting is taking place with a round table of high looking officials.
One seems to be a Mayor or congressman.
"So what do we know?" says the Mayor
A woman answers:
"At around 12noon today, we started getting calls from different schools saying students were dropping dead in the cafeteria."
" The basic sequence of events is:
1. a dazed and blank look
2. inability to speak
3. violent shaking
4. intense vomiting.
5. This repeats for sometime.
In most cases the children die from everything in their bodies being vomited out of them.
The calls have been coming non-stop since 12 noon today, not only schools but all over the city we have cases of this same sickness.

"Thank you, do we know the cause?" the mayor asks.
"No sir, not yet" the woman responds.
The mayor turns to us in the room.
"You here have experienced these events first hand yet you have not been affected, we need to know why that is. Why were some affected and others were not. Any ideas"
I start to think and replay what happened earlier that day.

"The food" I say.
"It must be something related to what they ate."
someone else : "But not all of the children in the cafeteria got sick, even those that did eat."
Me: "what was the main dish being served at lunch today?"
other person :  chicken tenders
"chicken, it must be the chicken. Somehow either all of a large amount of chicken in the city has been contaminated."

The mayor doesn't believe my hypothesis.
I challenge him.
"Lets test this theory. You have a cafeteria here lets order some chicken, eat it and see what happens."
some of the people agree.
We eat a small amount.
At first nothing.
Then the pain, dizziness, shaking and vomiting start.
We only ate very small pieces, so eventually the sickness stops.
Once the mayor regains control of his body, he takes out his phone and begins to call someone.
His phone is not making calls.
He asks if he can borrow someones phone.
Same thing, the phone doesn't work.

someone rushes into the room and turns on the TV.
A news report is showing bodies and fire and screaming people fill the streets.
Things are getting bad.
the news reporter says that they are being told that no one can leave the city.
The city has been quarantined and no on is coming in or out.

scene ends:

Scene 3:
Standing in a ghost town.

Bodies and blood everywhere.
A fight broke out between the civilians trying to protect them selves from one another.
No one knew what was killing everyone.
Panic and fear created a war zone.
Eventually fighting broke out between the soldiers maintaining the quarantine and the civilians stuck inside.

Scene ends.
I wake up.






have a nice day

friday

it's friday.



unfortunately I could not find lyrics for this song.


If I could sing. I would sing this to you (wifey):



have a nice day

monday monday

during my lunch break a car pulled up next to mine.

then another car next to the first one. 

woman gets out of first car and goes into the second. 

man greats woman.

(possibly shake hands)

proceed to make out.

proceed to intercourse.

I was kinda curious but mostly confused. 

I had my window down.

I was in plain sight, so I am pretty sure they could see me. 

Maybe they just didn't care?

After I ate my lunch and finished fixing the audio port on my car. 

I stepped out of the car to put my lunch into the trunk of my car.

I glance over to see if any change had taken place. (I thought maybe they would pause or something.)
nope still going at it.

hmm..

besides that, lunch was pretty good.
garlic chicken + eggs + onions and rice.

I've been thinking alot about people recently.
what makes us different?
why do we respond and act the way we do?
how was someone else raised, and how did that effect the person they are today?

I saw a movie recently about a woman who sees herself as evil, a "bad human being", a monster.

it made me think alot about this one point "monster"
what makes us hate each other and ourselves.
currently there are people all around the world, killing each other for various reasons.
and I assume they feel all the reasons they have seem justified to those people.

i was thinking
"what if someone I see everyday or just briefly interact with, is going through immense pain and suffering."
would I know?
could I help?
would I help?

last week I was staying a little later than usual at work.
one of my co-workers received a phone call, and she immediately started crying.
I don't know what it was about. but it looked painful.
after the call her eyes were really red.
I asked if everything was okay.
she just said "yeah"
and that was it.

I really hate seeing women sad.
for some reason it always stirs my emotions.
I feel as a member of the male race it is my duty to protect and care for women,  maybe that's why.
I don't know where this feeling comes from.
I never really saw my dad doing things like that.
maybe tv, movies, comics?
maybe I want to be a "hero"?

I remember a friend I had in highschool.
she would come in to Algebra almost everyday crying.
it almost always had something to do with a boyfriend leaving and or hurting her in some way.
I remember feeling "I wish I could find and kill these people" "what right do they think they have to hurt her?"
but those were just thoughts.
I usually just sat in silence as she cried in front of me.
sometimes she would talk about them.
they were always asking/begging her for sex.
saying things like "I love you, let's have sex" "if we have sex, I'll love you"
she would say that eventually she would give in, and almost always her boyfriends would break up with her immediately after.
so it  was on to finding another boyfriend, who would end up doing the same thing.

I think that was one of the reasons I hated school (and hate society) so much.
this self centered mindset of just using people, treating people like trash. it makes me sick.

hmmm...
it's getting late.
laundry should be done soon...



it's an interesting dilemma.
on one hand I feel for and care about people deeply.
but on the other I do not wish to interact with most people.



Easy, easy
Pull out your heart
To make the being alone
Easy, easy
Pull out your heart
To make the being alone
Easy, easy

Easy, easy
You break the bridle to make,
Losing control
Easy, easy
Crushed what you're holding,
So you can say letting go is,
Easy, easy

Oh, easy, easy
Burn all your things
To make the fight to forget
Easy, oh, easy
Burn all your things
To make the fight to forget
Easy

Easy, easy
Pull out your heart
To make the being alone
Easy, easy
Pull out your heart
To make the being alone
Easy



have a nice day

another tuesday

schools coming back soon.
not looking forward to that.

summers been fun.
finding time to relax.

didn't have much to say today, but want to put up some new music I've recently found.
enjoy.



Youth Lagoon - 17
 
Roaming the campground up by the lake where we swam.
We were hunting for snakes,
but we couldn't find them.
Surrounded by nothing,
but the nothing's surrounded by us.
But it's just me in my room,
with my eyes shut.

When I was seventeen,
my mother said to me
"Don't stop imagining. The day that you do is the day that you die."
Now I pull a one ton carriage,
instead of the horses grazing the lawn.
And I was having fun.
We were all having fun.

My brain can think faster than I can,
I'm not fast enough.
Who is there to talk to
that won't lock me up?
At least God doesn't judge me by the thoughts that I find,
the snakes I couldn't find,
I don't want to find.

When I was seventeen,
my mother said to me
"Don't stop imagining. The day that you do is the day that you die."
Now I pull a one ton carriage,
instead of the horses grazing the lawn.
And I was having fun.
We were all having fun.



Langhorne Slim and the Law - The Way we Move

There we are standing in the shooting stars,
in our houses in our cars
You didnt know it, now you do
this is the way we move
In the belly of the whale
In my bedroom I cant sleep
And all my friends got crooked tales
Thats the way I like it
Thats just what I need and
Chorus:
Here we are standing in the shooting stars
In our houses, in our cars
you didnt know it, now you do
this is the way, this is the way we move
In the belly of the whale
in my bedroom I cant sleep
and all my friends got crooked tales

Chorus:
Here we are standing in the shooting stars
In our houses, in the ashes, the bars
you didnt know it, now you do
it happens to be the way, the way you move
In the belly of the whale, in the belly of the beast
At the last supper honey,
Make sure you get something, something to eat
Here we are standing in the shooting stars
In our houses, in our cars
you didnt know it, now you do
This is the way, this is the way we move
This is the way, this is the way we move
This is the way, this is the way we move
This is the way

The Milk Carton Kids - Broken Headlights

It hasn't rained hard for the better part of seven months 
Everyone's listening 
All I see ahead of me are glistening lights 
This city stays up at night 
Droning along like a dissonant song by an amateur symphony 
How come I can only tell you I love you when you're sleeping in the passenger seat? 

And all the fast cars with the broken headlights 
Run the red lights in the canyon 
But I can taste it, the rain is coming 
To clear the air over Los Angeles 

Maybe it'll bring the hillside down 
Maybe it'll flood the streets 
Maybe when I tell you that I love you forever 
I'm gonna make a fool of me 
But I've got the windows down, the heater on my feet 
And the skies are opening 
It's gonna come pouring down it's gonna come pouring out I'm gonna say everything 


And all the fast cars with the broken headlights 
Run the red lights in the canyon 
But I can taste it, the rain is coming 
To clear the air over Los Angeles 
The road is winding and it's barely lit 
You never know how far you're really gonna get 
But when you live here you just learn to get used to it 
And all the fast cars and the broken headlights 
And running red lights in the canyon 
Now it's raining, the haze is drowning 
The air is clear over Los Angeles




San Fermin - Methuselah
Pass a message to you, when your love hurts
Like a dirty bouquet with your wine
I will tie to my body some roses
I will fly 'til I get you alive

Are you thinking of me now Methuselah
I'm the passenger I go, I go, I go, I go, along
Have you found a place that's deeper than the corners of your mind
To settle down

When I'm lost with myself I see lions
Lying golden on the beaches of white
I see men with their boats in the river
Carry me as I drift in the night

I don't think of you
When I'm missing you

Are you thinking of me now Methuselah
I'm the passenger I go, I go, I go, I go, along
Have you found a place that's deeper than the corners of your mind
To settle down

I don't think of you
When I'm missing you

Are you thinking of me now Methuselah
I'm the passenger I go, I go, I go, I go, along
Have you found a place that's deeper than the corners of your mind
To settle down

Are you thinking of me now Methuselah
I'm the passenger I go, I go, I go, I go, along
Have you found a place that's deeper than the corners of your mind
To settle down





have a nice day

tuesday

time.

there never seems to be enough of it.
or all of it seems to slip away so easily.
wake up
get ready
go to work
come home
eat dinner
--- maybe have 1~3 hrs of day left, then it's
sleep
repeat.

I have trouble believing this is the way people are meant to live.
hmm...
maybe I should do more with my time?

a poem:
by me::
constant ticking
never stops
never allows for peace of thought
always taking never giving
till death I am bound by clocks.
death shall be my savior, when the time is right.
for now I shall live in times embrace.
a make-believe prison, till death we part.

-poem of a watch repair man.



well I hope your Tuesday is swell.

song:
not the song I was looking for, but enjoy:





have a nice day

ain't no rest for the... restless

I woke up at 3 am today.
! Fun.

Trying to go back to sleep buck no luck.
Thought Maybe writing would help me get sleepy..
Disclaimer - I'm writing on my phone, typos may be present.


Dreams.
Last nights dream.
Time: future - near future 20yrsish
Location : earth, maybe same as here
The year 2033 man has created the cure for cancer, aids and most diseases.
It's a protein enzyme called TK.
Essentially it is a vitamin that produces white blood cells.
For years it seems like TK is successful.
To successfull.
Hospitals are empty.
Doctors are having trouble finding work.
People are healthy and happy.
This lasts for 10years.
Then all the sudden people start dying. Like thousands by the day.
The world goes into panic and chaos.
Because of the lack of sickness for the past 10yrs doctors and hospitals have greatly declined.
There aren't enough to help the thousands of sick people.
My wife and I are researchers trying to find the source and cure for the sickness.
We discover that it was the TK that caused the mass epidemic.
The way TK works is; once ingested it starts to produce white blood cells at a rapid rate.
At first this worked out well.
The mass increase in white blood cells seemingly destroyed all harmful pathogens in the body, creating 100% healthy humans.
But the TK had an unforseen side effect.
The after a few years the blood cells created by tk would deteriorate and rot inside the body.
Causing total collapse of the immume system.
This would happen in a matter of minutes once the tk blood cells started rotting.


The dream doesn't reach a conclusion.
We find what caused the epidemic; the TK, which was later coined as the TK-Killer.
But a cure was not found.
Deaths by the thousands from the tk-killer and mass hysteria killed off most of the population by the end of my dream.






----
Tonight's dream.
Time: past, i think.
Location : not actually sure, seemed like China.
Me: high priest to the emperor.
Emperor : 5yr old boy.
This dream i follow the emperor of a large Kingdom as he goes about his day.
My duties are ; watch him play at the beach, oversee his meals, watch him play in the mountains.
Generally just make sure he is safe.
Things seem fine till one day the boy has a sudden interest in death.
He is playing with another boy near a lake, they are jumping from large rock to large rock.
The other boy slips, falls, and hits his head on the rock.
Blood begins to flow.
The emperor seems very interested, he walks up to the hurt boy, stares for a long time, then grabs the boys head and smashes it into the rock.
His new favorite activity is beheading the local population.
HIs main target is kids his age, but also some adults.
He lines up civilians, has them knee down into childs pose, he walks in front of them with a large cleaver and down the line starts chopping off their heads.
He is laughing and smiling the entire time.
I begin to fear for the safety of my own children (i have 3 in the dream)
Slowly i start putting together a plan for escape.
I feel the other priests are becoming suspicious of me. Quickly i must escape.
During a beheading I leave early.
Im followed by some of the emperors guards.
I start to run.
They chase.


- then i wake up.
Sorry another unfinished story. - -

Well i will attempt to sleep again.
Hopefully successfully.

Have a nice day.

chillies

sometimes you hear a song, and it hits you.
and you get the chills.
and you wish you could stay in the beauty of the music forever (or as long as you want, until you get hungry or need to use the restroom)

this song had that effect on me:


The Milk Carton Kids  - Michigan

The clouds move over Pontiac skies
Their silent thunder matches mine
I know this feeling from long ago
I wonder if it's gone now I know

So when she calls don't send her my way
When it hurts you'll know it's the right thing

Michigan's in the rearview now
Keep your hands where I can see them
You took the words right out of my mouth
When you knew that I would need them
What am I supposed to do now
Without you
Without you

It's unannounced like you'd expected
Among broke down break lines and Motown records
And all that's left is a blind reflection
But you know what's coming and you regret it

So when she comes don't send her my way
When it hurts most it's the right thing

Michigan's in the rearview now
Keep your hands where I can see them
You took the words right out of my mouth
When you knew that I would need them
What am I supposed to do now
Without you
Without you

Michigan's in the rearview now
Keep your hands where I can see them
You took the words right out of my mouth
When you knew that I would need them
What am I supposed to do now
Without you
Without you



have a nice day

my words are not my own

-----sporadic thoughts and words------

far off somewhere.
i find myself but not myself.
searching for answers to questions that are not mine.
where did this come from?
not my own thoughts, then from where?
if not my own why carry the burden?
why not discard and be done.
I cannot.
it has become me.
it has changed me.
I am no longer myself, but the very question I was escaping.
no shelter.
no home.
a part of me forever.
----

birds chirp as I sit entrapped in my cave.
sunlight cannot find me.
I hide.
I wait.
crumbs I eat.
never sleeping.
always awake.
fever burns,
melting away my sanity.
am I safe?
am I away?
no light for me.
no light can find me.

-----


don't close your eyes.
this sight which makes you weep.
grip tight, forcefully.
"look"
"see"
I have created beauty
but beauty is frail.
it breaks.
splinters.
aches.
bleeds.
"again"
"look"
can you not see?
what use is eyes if they cannot feel.
grip again.
force again.
bleed.
weep.
starve.
,
my beauty is gone.
all this time.
time has overtaken me.
time is all i have.
time is my prison.
"wait and see"
"wait and see"

---


-----sporadic thoughts and words------



have a nice day.

hello again mr.blog

i think when things get to repetitive/predictable I don't like to sleep.
like going to work everyday. seems more fun to stay up then just going to sleep and working again.

sometimes I feel like I am a very cold person.
I don't really show my feelings/affection/appreciation to almost anyone around me.
sometimes I try.
but a lot of times it takes pre-planned effort to do so.
doesn't happen naturally.
same thing with socializing.
the main reason I don't do much of it is because it simply doesn't occur to me.
I usually need to push my brain into thinking about socializing.
another thing is the way I think.
well that has two parts.
1. I think in yes/no . problem/solution.
I 've noticed that with almost every conversation I have I feel like the only reason I am having that conversation is to find an answer or solution to what ever it is that is being talked about.
Which many times leaves me not talking at all, because
  a. I don't know or have any insight about what is being said.
  b. other people are currently talking about what they think.
  c. opportunity to input has past, while I was thinking about what to say

2. my thoughts are a constant random mess.
it's like Barnum and Bailey meets pokemon, all in an alternate time space continuum thing.where everyone wants to be like everyone else. except for the supreme leader, he gets to be himself.


I was going to draw something, but it's getting late.
good night.
sleep tight.
don't let the billions of microbes bite.





have a nice tomorrow.
well it's already today.
so,
have a nice day

shhhhh

was going to write more.
but don't want to wake the wife.
i miss making music and random videos.
i also would like to try doing comics sometime soon.

but for now i will just post these here and let them marinate.

good night,

have a nice day

books and death

I finished the final book in a series of 13 books today.
It took me a couple months to finish reading the entire series.

It's strange the feeling of finishing a book feels a lot like the feeling of someone dying.
the book is over, the final page is flipped. yet you are left wondering and thinking of what else could be.
what else happens. but nothing happens. there is no end. just memories of things that happened before.
All you are left with are memories and "what ifs".

it's a strange unsatisfied feeling.
like a hole cut into your stomach and as much as you try to eat, you never get satisfied.
or as an author put, "It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things."
you desire more, but cant have it.
the satisfactions only comes when you allow yourself to face the truth.
that there is no more.
this is it.
this is the end.



















have a nice day

strangeland

I have a hard time understanding alot of things.
people in particular.
i find it interesting how for every action someone takes, it seems like it is expected that someone else responds in some form of action.
ie: some says something funny. instead of thinking about what was said, there seems to be an unwritten rule that whether or not you understood the joke, you must either, let out some sort of chuckle or respond with a joke in return, or maybe just scoff (cause you're the master of jokes)

 if we all want happiness, why is it such an up and down thing?
why can some people be happy, while the person sitting next to them is suffering?
if all people wanted happiness it seems to make sense that it would be something felt throughout the world.
but doesnt seem like it.

i sometimes feel like I live in my own head. i listen to the thoughts of my own and pushout or ignore advice from others.

time for some random/free association writing.
why do teeth, teeth. is there a teeth doctor that can stop my teething teeth.
it's okay though, cause they dont teeth anymore, the donkey next door removed them for me.
"dont try to tie a hot dog to a donky's penis they always told me, but I never listened.
why should i ?
I JACK THE PUMPKIN KING!
-----im tired, but dont want to see.
I feel like sometimes Iam so worried that I might say the wrong things that I end up not saying anything.
maybe I was destined to be a mime. though my mime skills are pretty poor.
maybe a mute dentist,
"mmhmm hmhmmh hmhmmh" says the mute dentist
"hahaha good one" says the socially insceure young male, who had unknowingly just agreed to teeth removal by donkey for the charity for the blind.

maybe I have a hard time expressing my thoughts, cause I have too many thoughts
like trying to give a speech, while stuffing your face with 20 sheets of nori.
or peanut butter. well you couldnt really compare the two equally. maybe 5 spoons of peanut butter.

i want to help people. but i really dont know how.
i want people to be happy.
i want things to be better.

that thought made me sleepy.
and almost made me sneeze.
...
.....
......
sneeze averted.


well i guess thats all for tonight/tomorning

Bloodhound Gang - Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

music to veg out to
enjoy



have a nice day

brain invader

this song has been stuck in my head all day.



Cold Bread by Johnny Flynn

Well I'm sure you're near, and I can almost smell you,
But the winds are up at the walls again.
I can hear you coming-Heaven helped you coming-
I believe in heaven it's a way away.

Did you learn just how I loved you?
Did you see how far I've been?
Would you meet me in an hour?
I could tell you what I've seen... what I've seen

Cold Bread... Cold Bread... we had.

Put your wine in water pull your chips back in
I saw you crawl like a crab across black friar's bridge
Suffer naught to fate, hit the homeward road,
I'm a bowling green, I'm a livery boy

Have a heart that which skips a beat
Oh, come on! Roll along for free
In the middle of the morning.
Swap your drinking nights with me... with me.

Cold Bread... Cold Bread... we had. (x2)

Genius musical interlude.

I can live dying, I can chew my bit,
And play pander to my senses and hijack my head
Eat the rhythm of moving and a rolling and a rattle.
It's a giving instead, it's a well sprung bed,
We can roll around forever,
We can pray for all we've been,
We can knock it hell for leather
We can call it all a dream... all a dream

Cold Bread... Cold Bread... we had. (x2)

have a nice day